How to help someone with low body confidence
In previous blogs, we’ve discussed body dysmorphia with a focus on the individual and how they can combat body image issues. Here, on the other hand, we’re going to take a look at how the loved ones of someone who has body image issues can help them manage and overcome low body confidence.
How to make someone feel confident about their body
This blog is here to shed some light and provide a different view on a topic which isn’t always discussed, helping restore someone’s self-confidence and self-belief within themselves and their appearance. Seeing loved ones struggle with issues which aren’t physical is often really hard to approach, however, there are things you can do to help, or potentially avoid the situation worsening. These include:
• Avoid self-deprecation - As important as it is to compliment your loved one, being too critical of yourself surrounds them with negativity and may make them doubt your compliments. This can have a particularly serious impact if you are often compared to them, for example, a mother who looks like her child. If your loved one hears you criticise your own appearance and knows you bear a strong resemblance to them, there’s a greater chance that they’ll presume you also dislike how they look, even if you say otherwise. This can also apply if you’re critical of others’ appearances, as your loved one may see the features you disparage in themselves.
• Compliment their strengths - As well as complimenting your loved one’s physical appearance, it’s important to remind them how much you value them in other terms. For instance, you might tell them you love their artwork or that they’re a really good listener. On top of compliments that don’t relate to your loved one’s appearance, you might also give ones that do link to their appearance without being beauty-focused. For example, complimenting them on being fast and agile or physically very strong may help them to associate their appearance (e.g. ‘large’ muscled legs or ‘bulky’ arms) with positive thoughts about the benefits of being built in such a way.
• Spend some time together away from screens - We know that social media and screen time aren’t the sole causes of body image issues, but they can contribute. Taking time away from screens does three things: it reduces comparison with others’ seemingly perfect lives; it takes you away from unattainable beauty standards like Hollywood smiles; and lastly, it focuses your time on the here and now. When you can’t see yourself in photos or reflections, you’re more likely to focus on how you feel in a situation, rather than how you look. Of course, social media can help maintain friendships and receive support with body image problems, but like everything, it should be enjoyed in moderation.
What to say to someone with low body confidence
Low body confidence and body dysmorphia are both topics which can be hard to speak about with your loved ones. Expressing your concerns can sometimes be portrayed as a negative ‘talk’ which, although you set out with good intentions, can sometimes result in the opposite and lead to more serious issues. With that in mind, here are some pointers which could be helpful in bringing you and your loved one together to help tackle the underlying issues they’re struggling with. These include:
• Practising active listening and taking the time to actually listen to their concerns without constantly dismissing them with generic compliments. If your loved one says they hate the way they look, don’t just tell them they’re beautiful and you love them. Instead, it might be helpful to keep the conversation focused on understanding how they feel rather than immediately trying to offer solutions or brush the subject off.
• Ask them if there’s anything you can help with in their life as body confidence issues can be exacerbated by stress in other areas. Anything you can do to ease their worries, whether it’s helping them with job applications or something as simple as helping them to tidy a room, could help to relieve some of their mental load so they can better cope with body image issues. Sometimes people find it hard to know what to ask for, so consider identifying one thing you can help with and offering to do so. For example, instead of saying, ‘Is there anything I can do to help?’, you might ask, ‘Can I help you wash the dishes?’. You should let yourself be led by your loved one, so if they say they just want to be alone, it might be wise not to push and press.
• Be honest about your concerns and explain that you’re worried about them and that you want to help in any way you can. Sometimes, just hearing that someone else is being affected by their problems can help to show your loved one that they need support. Make it clear that you’re not criticising the way they’ve been handling things, but that you’re there to provide them with whatever support they want.
• Offer support with accessing professional help if they’d like it. Your loved one might not think that they are ‘sick enough’ for professional help, or they might not know how to get it. Supporting them with this could help to get them on the right track. However, it’s not uncommon for people to have reservations about professional mental health support. If they are adamant, it’s best not to push too hard, as no one likes to be forced into anything, let alone something that makes them feel vulnerable.
In the end, helping a loved one who has low body confidence is all about gentle, consistent support that aims to help them feel like they’re making their own choice. This can make positive results much more likely than if you were to pressurise them to do whatever you think is best. Hopefully, with these tips, you feel more prepared to love and support your loved ones through whatever troubles they may have.